Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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