its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
