so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
