My nipple is on Facebook.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
