People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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