I wish I could teleport
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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