Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
