Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
