first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
