oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
