trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
