i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
