i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
