you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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