I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
