Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sorry about my life...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
