she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
