I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
