I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
