I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
