Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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