so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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