so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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