Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
