How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am available for nakedness
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
