she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
