hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
