Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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