My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
