My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
