kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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