I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
