youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
