where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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