You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
