apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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