it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
