i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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