You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
