So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
