My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
