First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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