Plan B is the new Plan A
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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