You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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