I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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