we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
