ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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