he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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