Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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