Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
