I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
