I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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