well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
