I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
