He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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