Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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