Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
