One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
