i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
