I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
