im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
