I got chris browned last night
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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