Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
