haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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