I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Success! We fucked roommates!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
