I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
