Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
