I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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