His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
