I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
