nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
