Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
