those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
