oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
