don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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