She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
