please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize