And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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