I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
