We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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