Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
