hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
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You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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